5 Myths About Resolutions
By Michelle Courtney Berry
Myth #1 – “If I try REALLY hard, I’ll keep my resolutions/agreements in the New Year.”
This is a myth that many of my clients (myself included!) often fall prey to. But what matters most is not what we “say” we’ll do, but what we make INTENTIONAL and in so doing. It’s what we end up truly COMMITTING to.
We sometimes believe that setting clear goals and trying like the dickens to achieve these “resolves” will yield success. We embark with great force and enthusiasm to meet these “means goals,” without understanding our “end goals.” We set out to achieve what we THINK we want, but not what our HEART commands us to do. Too often we burn out quickly, trying to do too much, too soon, without intentional energy guiding us. Instead of approaching our goals with “lack” (what we don’t do well), what if we shifted that to “love?” What would I love to do and commit to with gratitude this year?
Myth #2 – “If I make a list of goals then beat myself up when I don’t complete them, I’m bound to keep my word eventually.”
Resolutions and goal setting, alone, without a real resolve to uncover what truly inspires us, are set-ups for failure. Instead of making a list of resolutions, what if we asked ourselves some questions: How do we wish to contribute? How do we want to grow? What experiences does my heart long for? These are the questions that shift us from TRYING to BECOMING. Resolutions and goal-setting without intentional heart-based commitment rarely lead to the sustainable change we so desire. It is as Yoda says, “Do or do not, there is no TRY.”
Myth # 3 – “If others change/keep their word, then I can change/keep my word.”
If you truly want to create sustainable change this or any year, the change you seek must come from within. Trying to change other people, worrying about what they think, say, or do, creates an outer driven focus for living. Your whole heart’s health and your mind, body and spiritual wealth come from taking care of YOU first. You must be driven from WITHIN to change. If you feel you have a pattern or limiting belief, YOU must shift, not others. It’s truly insane to keep doing things the same way again and again and expecting different results.
When you fail to keep your agreements with others and break many promises, it’s time to look within. Chances are you can’t keep your word with others because you keep letting yourself down. Start there and the rest will follow. Once you keep your agreements with yourself- you will keep your word with others.
Myth #4 – “There isn’t enough time in the day.”
There’s always enough time. It’s that you choose to spend your time doing what doesn’t serve you. You overcommit, you over shop/overspend/ over eat/ under eat/ socialize too much/ stall/ procrastinate. Once you truly commit to a path, be it regular exercise, weight loss, weight gain, any sort of healthier path, to less of something that doesn’t serve you- to removing negativity- forces/ people/ habits/ behaviors- you just don’t have excuses.
You don’t decide on the day of something that you *might* do something important for your wellness- it’s already in your calendar, you have already registered/ paid/ made the time. I’ll help my clients and coach them toward truly committing, etc. BUT I won’t enable them- or coddle them.
I know all my defensiveness about not committing was about excuses, about wanting the comfort of something to “FALL BACK ON” -but there is no fall back- position- there’s just here and NOW- and once you COMMIT- without EXCUSES- you are ready, and there is PLENTY OF TIME. Once you block the time, show up and truly commit, the Universe will provide, it truly will.
As Paulo Coelho says, “When you want something, all the Universe conspires in helping you to achieve it.”
Myth #5 – “Intention is the same as commitment.”
It just isn’t. You can “intend” to write someone a thank you note, but that’s not the same thing as getting the note, writing it, putting a stamp on it, and placing the card in the mail. An intention is but a blip on the radar scale. Commitment with intentional force is the seismic shift. I put the words of Ken Blanchard on my desk at work each day and read it, again and again, to remind myself of the great difference between intention and commitment:
“There is a difference between interest and commitment. When you’re interested in something, you do it only when it’s convenient. When you’re committed to something, you accept no excuses, only results.”
If you’re tired of auditioning for a part you already have, making excuses and not following through, then join Michelle and her growing Tribe of people committed to making this YEAR to live intentionally, with gratitude.